The short answer is “I don’t know anymore.”

The long answer is… well, we would have to hook up some mind reading contraption to my brain and have it record all of the ramblings and random thought processes that I go through related to this question. I don’t think it would be a good use of one post to record that kind of gibberish, so I’ll continue with a semi-short version.

I think I’m becoming an agnostic. I think it is impossible to say one way or another that there is a God. I have not personally witnessed anything that I would be considered as concrete evidence for the existence of a God. At the same time, I do realize that there is no possible way that we could disprove the existence of a God with 100% certainty. This is interesting to me because I remember talking to atheists on my mission where I would tell them that they couldn’t prove to me that there wasn’t a God, so that meant that there was a God.

I look at nature and naturally think that there is no way that nature could become this without having some kind of “higher power” or “intelligent design”. Yet, at the same time, I see the world and think to myself that there is no way that an “intelligent designer” would design this. I’d have to say that he would get a failing grade in design school if this is what someone decided would be a good project.

I hope there is something. I want to believe that there is life after death. I want to believe that I’ll be together with my family forever. I want to believe that this is not all. Yet, I haven’t been able to congure up any grand ideas on how to be certain of any of it.