The purpose of this letter is to clarify any misunderstandings that might have risen due to discussions I’ve had regarding my disaffection with the church.

I want to begin by telling you that I love you. That has not changed and it never will. I respect you and appreciate you. I’m thankful for everything that you do for me, my wife and children. I will always love you and support you. Although my transformation of faith has resulted in my re-evaluation of all that is important to me, the love of my family has only grown. If anything, my decision to no longer participate in church was prolonged due to the respect and love that I have for my family, and those in leadership positions that I have looked up to in the past. I harbor no ill feelings with anyone and I hope that I cause no ill feelings to anyone else.

Due to the teachings of church leaders, both in General Conference and in local congregations, and due to cultural evolution from those teachings, I find it prudent to dispel some of the myths often promulgated in the LDS church regarding those who “leave the fold”. It is not uncommon for members of the LDS church to speculate on the root cause of “apostasy.” Invariably, the consensus among the faithful is that those who leave do so because they either (a) have been offended or (b) want to sin. A variation on this is that the Mormon lifestyle was just too hard and the departing member was just too weak to “endure to the end.” A third explanation for apostasy often posited is that the “wayward” member is afflicted with a “hard heart” or “pride.” All of these (offense, desire to sin, pride) are the result, it is often surmised, of Satanic influence. The member neglected his duty to pray or read the scriptures, or pay tithing or go to the temple and was thus left open to be tempted of the devil or one of Satan’s millions of demonic henchmen who are constantly on alert for faltering saints, ever hoping to find a chink in the member’s spiritual armor.

Contrary to these clichéd explanations for why people leave the LDS church, in my experience meeting, discussing, corresponding, and counseling with hundreds of disaffected Mormons over the last two years, I have not encountered any who left the LDS church because they were “offended” personally by a fellow member. So, all the cookies and paper hearts in the world (as well-intentioned as they may be) will not bring such people “back to the fold.” Nor have I encountered people who have left the church—believing it to be true—but just wanting to sin. Asking former members “which commandment they didn’t want to keep” might make for a good EFY anecdote, but it bears no resemblance to reality. People who leave the LDS church often (but not always) do make certain lifestyle changes (especially with respect to Sabbath observance, word of wisdom, and tithing). But in the great majority of cases, formerly faithful members who leave do so because they undergo a spiritual change on the inside. The outward manifestation follows the inner transformation.

Nobody has offended me. Nor was there any particular “sin” that I just had to commit or any specific commandment I was incapable or unwilling to keep. As for pride, I think that it actually takes a substantial measure of humility to examine one’s belief system critically, to accept the idea that the things you believed in so ardently for years—things you felt with “every fiber” of your being—might not be true. In my view, it is prideful to cling to beliefs for which there is no reasonable basis and to refuse to consider new information, new evidence, new arguments, new points of view. My willingness to re-examine and re-consider my faith, and to change as a result, is the opposite of proud. Far from the picture of apostasy painted in LDS church culture, I am not miserable; I am not tormented; I am not walking in darkness. I still love my family; I am still gainfully employed; I still smile and wave at the neighbors; I still have spiritual experiences; I still have a conscience; I am still the same person, have the same character, and hold many of the same ideals that you hold true.

I do not have all of the answers. If anything, I continue to find new mountains of questions that seem difficult to answer. I continue to read, ponder and research the things that trouble my mind and I hope to someday find answers.

My family is the most important thing in the world to me. I treat my position as husband, father, brother, brother-in-law, son, uncle, friend, etc… with humility and of most importance. If anything has changed, it is my earnest desire to be the best person that I can be. I often wonder what I should use as my bearing for being a good person. Many have speculated that without religion, there can be no morality. I have found that assertion to be groundless as I have found great inspiration in the Golden Rule. However, as time goes by, I have decided that the Golden Rule also has its boundaries. I think that any person can learn to be good and do good simply by analyzing the consequences of certain actions and following the action that has the best outcome. In short, sincerely respecting others can do more good to ones perception of the world than the thousands of books written on the topic of religion.

Needless to say, becoming disaffected from the church has not been an easy or frivolous thing for me to do. The journey has taken many years to proliferate and I have wrestled with my decision too many times to count. However, I have always come to the same conclusion in the end and I have determined that I must follow my conscience regardless of the consequences.

Please don’t wonder what you may have said or done to drive me away—you had nothing to do with it. I have nothing but the best of feelings for you. I sincerely hope that we can continue our relationship with love and respect.

Love always,

Travis